MORE BOB DYLAN QUOTES
Jonah Lehrer recently stepped down from his post at the New Yorker for fabricating a quotation from Bob Dylan. The Wag was fortunate enough to get Dylan’s reaction to the scandal via Mr. Lehrer himself.
“Even I don’t know what I’m saying most of the time.” –Bob Dylan
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” –Bob Dylan
“Truth is like a waterslide—only fun when it’s slippery and wet.” –Bob Dylan
“You want to know about creativity? Just go out and buy that book Imagine by Jonah Lehrer. It’s only $29.00 in hardcover.” –Bob Dylan
“As long as you give my friend Jonah Lehrer a free pizza, I’ll write a song about your restaurant.” –Bob Dylan
“I’ll be selling tickets for my next tour exclusively through Jonah Lehrer. Make sure to pay cash.” –Bob Dylan
“If I could have any job in the world, I’d start out by writing a blog on Wired.com.” –Bob Dylan
“Every writer at the New Yorker is smarter than me.” –Bob Dylan
“I’m a good friend of Jonah Lehrer’s. You should go on a date with him.” –Bob Dylan
“Any real Bob Dylan fan would sleep with Jonah Lehrer.” –Bob Dylan
“If you want to know how to please a woman, just talk to a neuroscience major from Columbia.” –Bob Dylan
“If you ever tell anyone about Jonah’s sexual dysfunction, I’ll never play music again.” –Bob Dylan
“It takes a true man to cry.” –Bob Dylan
“It wouldn’t kill you to stay the night anyway.” –Bob Dylan
“Go on, now, go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now, ‘cause you’re not welcome anymore. Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with ‘goodbye?’ Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die? I will survive.” –Bob Dylan
“Just a reminder, if you tell anyone about what happened with Jonah last night, I’ll destroy all of my writing and never play music again.” –Bob Dylan
Originally published in Wag's Revue: http://www.wagsrevue.com/thewag/content/more-bob-dylan-quotes
FIRST DATES WITH FOREIGN LEADERS: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
This week, U.S. President Barack Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu met in Washington to discuss a preemptive military strike against Iran’s nuclear program. As a result, it was a busy week for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but luckily for me, he was able to make time in his schedule for a moonlit drive in his Chevy convertible to a scenic lookout.
ME: Wow, the stars are really beautiful from up here.
AHMADINEJAD: Aren’t they? I’m glad you like it. This is where I go whenever I need some time to get away from it all and just think, you know?
ME: I bet you take all your first dates here.
AHMADINEJAD: No way. You’re the first.
ME: Oh, stop it. So, what do you do for fun?
AHMADINEJAD: You know, I guess I’m pretty much like other guys. I like music, going to restaurants, wiping Israel off the map—
ME: What did you just say?
AHMADINEJAD: I like music, going to restaurants, lots of stuff. Anyway, what about you? Is it okay if I scoot a little closer and put my arm around you? There we go, now we’re comfortable.
ME: Actually, I think we’re moving a little fast. I haven’t even gotten to know you yet.
AHMADINEJAD: This is a cute little game you’re playing, hard-to-get, but face the facts: I’m going to get what I want. If you choose to confront me, you might be able to delay me for 3-5 minutes maximum.
ME: Wait a second. Are we talking about what I think we’re talking about?
AHMADINEJAD: We’re talking about exactly what you think we’re talking about: me dropping a nuclear bomb of sex all up inside you.
ME: And my window of opportunity for thwarting your potentially disastrous sexual ambitions is either closed or rapidly closing?
AHMADINEJAD: At this point, I am nearing the point where I’ll be aroused beyond the ability to be contained.
ME: As I see it, I’m now faced with two choices: either strike you in the genitals immediately and enjoy a temporary reprieve only to face a significantly more aggressive arousal in several minutes OR attempt to diplomatically dissuade you from any interest in penetrating me in the first place.
AHMADINEJAD: It gets me so hot when you think logically.
ME: What would you say if I told you I have horrible breath in the morning and believe that the Holocaust happened?
AHMADINEJAD: Charming and inaccurate. Still want to bone you.
ME: I treat homosexuals as equals and I occasionally snore.
AHMADINEJAD: Hilarious and irrelevant. I’m passing half-mast.
ME: The first CD I ever bought was Shania Twain by Shania Twain.
AHMADINEJAD: Get out of this car.
ME: Wait, really?
AHMADINEJAD: GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS CAR RIGHT NOW.
Originally published in Wag's Revue: http://www.wagsrevue.com/thewag/content/first-dates-foreign-leaders-mahmoud-ahmadinejad
